My friend named Mary

As far as fake names go, I like the name Mary. For some reason, it fits the friendship I wanted to talk about today. I decided on an alias not because I don’t remember this person’s name but because we haven’t been in contact for several years. I don’t know the reason for that but I feel in that case I should protect her identity as much as I can. Besides that, it wouldn’t change anything in the story so using her real name will not add anything. I also am a bit unsure about the spelling, so she will be named Mary. This is the story I have wanted to tell for such a long time but I could never find the right words. I could never put across how much this friendship taught me and how some bonds are just strong without you ever meaning them too. It wasn’t what we talked about, it wasn’t how much we ‘saw’ each other or rather that we didn’t. It was just an uncomplicated friendship. We had such similar interests, it was simply nice. 

So once I had a friend names Mary, we met online as a lot of friendship did back then. If you were part of the same fan groups you would have an instant connection.

I met this person online years ago, while I was still in high school. We started chatting online through replies first and eventually DM’s. I don’t know who slid in whose DM’s, I suppose it doesn’t matter. She was a bit older than me I think it was roughly 2 years older this means she would be 25/26 now. She worked hard to become successful and she valued that. We talked a ton about how friendship is also very important and how social connection can boost your happiness which in turn can boost your productivity and drive. How like-minded people will pull you up and will make you want to be better.

Sometimes I wonder if it was real…

At first, she didn’t have a picture of herself but later on, she did. I never talked in detail to anyone. My parents were always really passionate about teaching me how to be safe on the internet. I would never tell anyone my surname, I wouldn’t tell them where I lived. I wouldn’t tell them my parents’ names or where I went to school, nor did I ever take a picture of or close around my house. All of that isn’t necessary to tell anyone, anyway when you are young. Back then I had a hard time blocking someone as I thought it was sad and upsetting to them, it was good to protect myself I always thought. Here is the thing. This girl. It all seemed legit, she had a picture of herself, and she talked about her life and her family. There was nothing odd about her story. Yet still, for the last couple of years, I have been thinking how odd the whole thing was. But maybe it was just the way it was and there was nothing behind it. Either way, whoever it was I valued their friendship, it never put me in harm’s way so I can think fondly of our friendship.

I still, think about her sometimes.

It catches me in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the day, or late at night. When suddenly I just… I hope she is alright. I truly wish her nothing but the best. I hope she is happy, and that she is thriving. That she is making all the dreams come true that we chatted so much about. I met her as an upstanding great individual with a lot of drive and a lot of kindness in her heart and I do not want to believe any of that was fake. I do think now that maybe all the rest might have been but that wasn’t it couldn’t have been. Even if it was all true… I don’t know.

To this day I cannot tell you why I felt such a strong connection to this girl. Why out of all the people I met (and don’t talk to anymore) how our story make me feel the most. It truly touched me. We talked about our hobbies, schoolwork, jobs. We talked about how we felt, what made us happy, what we did to unwind. We were or I suppose both people that asked a lot from ourselves. We both wanted to do so much but we both felt that doing all of that wasn’t enough. I think it was our strength that we saw ourselves in the other person. In a sense, it really helped me. I took a hard look in the mirror and realized that there is strength is found in when they purposefully say no to something. She was a bit older than me and gave me the best advice.

No goodbye’s

Friendship with someone online can be much stronger than in real life. There are a lot of people on the internet who truly are anxious about going out there and making friends. I wasn’t such a person but I have noticed that for these people it was a bit easier to make friends online. Skype instead of meeting in real life. I think that making connections online isn’t less valuable than meeting someone in real life. I also believe that it’s something that isn’t for everyone. Just getting out there and chatting with strangers is weird and maybe even dangerous. It is however a way for people who have a hard time making friends to have really strong connections. For me, it was a way to explore another language and learn to express myself in various ways. I think this is valuable and it shouldn’t be underestimated.

To whoever was behind that computer screen, thank you for your friendship. Mary, I wish you nothing but the best.

Lots of love, Melissa