Making a better first impression

My life story is people telling me that they didn’t like me when we first met. All my girlfriends ‘hated’ me to no end when we met in a way that makes me kind of sad. Maybe it is because even though I can dislike someone, or I can feel intimidated by someone I don’t ‘hate’ or ‘dislike’ people at first glance. I always give someone a chance until they prove to me they aren’t so nice. Hate is such a strong word that I try not to use it all that often. Because I don’t feel like I honestly feel the emotions attached to that word. especially when I do not know someone.  The problem is it rolls too easily off the tongue.

The thing is I am terrible at first impressions, that might be the reason people don’t like me at first. When I meet new people I have a hard time because I know that everyone judges when they first meet someone and you have to be mindful to not let this cloud your judgment. I am very shy when I meet new people, which is weird because if people know me they know that I am not shy at all. But I am in new situation. I can come across as a bit standoffish because of this. The thing is if you don’t look open and inviting people will feel like you don’t like them very much there for they will not like you very much. Especially if they do have biases that make them not like the type of person you are, they will search for things that make them not like you. Whether they do that on purpose or not doesn’t matter.

So what can we do about that you might ask? Well, I have a few tips that I try to do. Don’t expect yourself to change overnight and in all honesty, you don’t have to but if you want to, here are some tips.

My tips to make a first better impression

Smile
When you smile, you look happy and you like inviting. People want to be closer to you, they want to talk to you. We like people with a good vibe around them and we judge someone’s vibe quite quickly just smile and you look so much happier and more approachable.

Don’t sit on your phone
This is a conversation killer; it is even worse than sitting with your arms folded in front of you. You look very unapproachable. I get it, it’s easier because even when no one is talking to you, you feel less alone. However, people are less likely to start a chat with you because you look as if you don’t want to talk. What helps with this is leaving your phone in your bag or at the table.

Ask questions
This is so good if you feel awkward and don’t feel like you want to talk yourself. Ask questions. This way you don’t say much and the other person talks a bunch, it makes for a very easy conversation. You’ ll realize that they will ask questions too and before you know it you are having a fun chat.

Join the conversation
If people talk about a film and you have seen it join the conversation. If talking about work or school just add things, agree with people. It’s a great way to be included.

Don’t be afraid
What is the worst that can happen? And you might say: “well they might laugh at me!” alright then, fair enough. What then, you join in their laughter. You smile or you just show that you don’t appreciate people laughing at you. You are not thrown out of a conversation or a friend group because you said something silly at the wrong time. Tomorrow someone else is doing it and your mix-up is forgotten.

The thing about first impressions is that it is important yes. However, it isn’t everything. Like I said a ton of my friends didn’t like me at first glance and now they adore spending time with me. If you are someone like me and people need to warm up to you, that’s fine. Because that way you’ll know the ugly side of people before they want to be friends with you.

Lots of love,
Melissa