Loss.

There are multiple ways to lose someone. In a lot of ways, you can feel like you lost someone. Without them really going anywhere. A person who used to be your best friend is a simple stranger now. Someone that you used to love is hesitant to say hello. It’s a loss that touches a lot of things in life the memories of the way you used to laugh or cry. The way you used to have fun about absolutely nothing but it felt like everything all at once.

There are other ways of loss. In a lot of ways much harder ways. The type of loss where you know that you can never give someone a big hug, where you know they will never smile at you or look you in the eye and tell you how special you are. Suddenly the simple things will remind you of this person. It’s the fact that they can never text or call. You can not ever tell them about your day. About your love life about your struggles. You will never hear how proud they are of you. How amazing those new jeans are. That you, yes you are the apple of their eye. I recently lost my Nan. It’s been one of the hardest losses I have gone through we understood each other without words and she was my go-to when I wanted to share the news. It still feels simply not real. Like I can’t fully grasp it. As if tomorrow I wake up and she is fine once again. Like when it’s Christmas she will give me a big hug and tell me I look great. She was so proud of me, the fact that I study at university that I am doing something I love with every fiber of my being. She taught me that, whatever you end up doing. Do it with love.

I know the pain will become different over time but for now, it’s raw and it’s there. I still wanted to update the blog today, so here we are.

Lots of love,
Melissa