Having class and being kind

Talking about class or being classy is a very controversial topic so we are going to talk about it. I have my opinions and you have your own. I express the way I feel; you can always disagree but I hope you at least hear me out. Let’s talk about being classy.

The definition
The definition of Class/Classy is the following: Stylish and sophisticated. synonyms; stylish, high-class, superior, exclusive, chic, elegant, smart, etc.

My own definition
I feel that the word classy has changed so much over the years. For me, it is someone who goes through life with grace and what I mean by that is someone who respects themselves and others. What you wear doesn’t make you classy. You can wear the most expensive blouses in the world and still not be classy in the way that you carry yourself. It’s about your image and not so much about what you wear. For me, it’s how you act towards the world and others instead of clothes and money. The number in your bank account doesn’t give you class in my opinion. However, this does not mean that people will not judge you for the way you look. You can wear the most amazing outfits but if you are mean, you are at the end of the day a mean person.

Role models
People especially young girls have role models and they see them behave a certain way or do certain things and they want to do those things. They compare themselves to them. This has been a thing forever my generation needed to buy magazines and see what the stars did through that now a day you can go on their Instagram. The famous person has a bit more say about what is out there about them but these young teenagers also have much more access. There is a bit of responsibility for people online to be a good role model on the other hand parents need to be aware of what their children are looking at online.

Wanting to be like the popular person is a thing of old. In primary school it was like this: a popular girl had a skirt that everyone loved two weeks later everyone was wearing that skirt, we saw this girl on TV wearing a bracelet everyone wanted a bracelet like that. It’s not a new thing. Young people are going to dress a certain way, do their hair a certain way, talk a certain way, and have a group of friends who act a certain way and they might regret this later (as in all wearing the same shirt for a dance and it is ugly by current standards). but this isn’t new, we have all been through this. The difference now is that the girls put it on Instagram instead of a photo album and what Google sees can never be unseen. I remember wearing these clothes and now looking back I noticed how ugly it was and how horrible it looked. In ten years I might think the same of the outfit I am wearing now but I was happy in that moment and it showed through. The thing that younger people don’t realize is that what is on Google doesn’t disappear from Google. That you will be googled when you want to find a job. I think it’s the parent’s responsibility to lock the account of their children and talk about the internet and how putting your pictures out there might not be such a good idea. For example, if I go out I do not let myself be photographed, mostly because those pictures never turn out good but also because I want to be cautious about what pictures are out there of me. If I don’t like a picture that a friend put up I kindly ask them to take them down and they always do because you shouldn’t have a picture somewhere that you don’t like and there is nothing wrong with saying that.

Fashion
As I said I have had clothes that I look back at now and think oh that wasn’t a good look that wasn’t cute at all. Everyone goes through that and yes you will regret it in a way but it doesn’t matter because that is growing up and getting older. It’s a good thing because through those phases you learn to find your style and your personality. If you don’t get plastic surgery what is the harm? It’s reversible you can always change. Did you chop your hair? It will grow back. Dyed it pink? It will grow out. Wearing a skirt that is too short? You will look back at pictures and think well that was ugly and that is the end of it. It’s a part of puberty and part of growing older and it’s wrong for you to judge someone because of that. We all went through it, some more than others but it’s okay. Some people have an emo phase others have a girly phase, and others have a sweatshirt phase everyone is different and you should respect that. Back in the day we made pictures but didn’t put them online so the awkward teen phases weren’t portrayed online that much, that changed. That doesn’t mean it’s more of a problem than it was back then.

You should wear what you love and wear what makes you happy. You shouldn’t wear things because other girls do, you shouldn’t wear things because a boy likes them. Wearing what you love doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t say how much respect you have for yourself that shows through other things. What is modest in the Western world isn’t in other parts of the world so look at yourself what do you define as classy? What do you define as modest? Just dress like that. Wear the things that make you comfortable. I despise people who comment mean things about girls with a big bum or a larger chest and tell them that because they have that they aren’t classy. That is the most ridiculous thing ever, no one chooses their body type. You cannot hide what you have this goes for everything, they are there; boobs and a bum don’t matter it’s there, you need to work with what you have. Don’t judge girls for it. You didn’t choose the size you have. So cleavage can be classy it is just how you go about it.

Social media
If you are young, lock your social media and thank me later. I mean everything, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook the whole deal. It’s never wrong to delete the pictures that you do not like. I am so happy mum never let me make a blog at 12 can you imagine how awkward that would be now?

Relationships
I see a lot of judgment in the relationships people have, I see and hear a lot of judgment and I think this is highly unfair. Let me say first that if someone took advantage of you that is awful, you can talk about it with a professional or a friend and remember that if it is serious you should go to the police. Whatever it is it won’t define who you are. Being taken advantage of isn’t your fault or the fault of the clothes you decided to wear. What I mean is the more subtle judgment about things you did or didn’t do in life. Or sometimes even thinks people think such vicious rumours that are untrue.

Let me give you an example: let’s say you kissed a guy right. You don’t regret it that much. You don’t want anything with him but it’s fine both of you are fine. You view kissing this guy as a mistake and wouldn’t do it again. It was consensual just not that good. There is nothing wrong with that behaviour and it doesn’t mean you don’t have class. I think it’s good for you to know what you like and don’t like, it’ ‘s a part of growing up. What would not be classy is if something like that happens to someone else and you judge them for it. Whatever you do within your relationships isn’t for me or anyone else to judge. Be safe, be honest in saying so if you are uncomfortable. Whatever you choose to do doesn’t make you a good or bad person. You don’t owe anyone anything and you can always say no. If you ever find yourself in a relationship with someone that doesn’t make you feel good enough. Get out, get out of that relationship. Never let yourself think that you aren’t treated right because you aren’t classy enough. No, if someone doesn’t treat you right, there is the door, get out. This person is not in any way shape or form the right person for you. If he or she doesn’t matter in what kind of relationship you are and doesn’t respect you, get out. You can always, always get out of a relationship. If someone makes you feel not good enough they do not deserve you, you are worth so much more than that. If they don’t make you feel good enough about yourself get out. You do not deserve to be treated like that, don’t do that to yourself. The same goes for friendship. You shouldn’t question yourself why you aren’t treated right you just need to remember one thing if you respect yourself you shouldn’t put yourself in a situation where others don’t treat you the way you deserve. You deserve the absolute best.

You should, always at all times respect other people. You can not respect their dissension. I love my friends, I don’t love some of their decisions and I know that it’s the same the other way around but I respect them as people. If they are happy that’s fine I would do it differently and thank God that we are all different, right? If someone is in need help them, make sure your friends are safe and it doesn’t matter how they handle life then it’s not your place to judge, it’s your place to give advice when they ask and be there for them. We as girls have boys against us. We should stick together. And celebrate each other’s winnings.

Mistakes
Here is the thing it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you are safe (so no drinking and driving or other things like that) and you do not make irreversible decisions, there is no problem at all. No matter what other people say. If you stand behind your decision it is okay. Think about this if it was your friend you wouldn’t feel different about her right? You would still love her and support her? Support yourself as you would support a friend. You deserve it. Things happen and making a mistake doesn’t define who you are for your whole life. You can make a mistake and be better the next time. Being classy is about how you handle situations and how you handle life after your mistakes.

Language and cussing
I am not stopping you, you can do what you want but in a professional environment for example, at work, you shouldn’t do it. I do feel like speaking without those words is better because then you don’t have to think about it if you are in a different space with different people but at the end of the day do you? I don’t think you should be judged by it. People take over words they hear around them so you are more likely to curse if your friends do it than when they don’t. The bottom line is simply to be respectful towards others in your manners and in the way you speak.

Drinking 
Drinking is this stupid thing right if you drink in a club you are a trashy drunk if you drink at the dinner table in a restaurant for example you order a white wine you are one classy lady. This is so stupid to me and comes back to not judging others. I don’t think drinking is bad, I do feel like you need to drink responsibly. If you can’t handle alcohol don’t drink. Know your limits. Learn yours. You shouldn’t drink to your limit or over, you shouldn’t drink in an environment where you don’t feel safe. Being drunk is not cool it can be really dangerous no matter your age. Be responsible. Do what you want to do but be aware of the risks. Remember that a night with diet coke can be as much fun as a night with alcohol, I experienced both and it’s just as fun as you make it. It’s all you, not the drinks. Drinking doesn’t make you a trashy person, not drinking doesn’t make you a classy person. It’s about what you do and not about what you drink

Slut shaming
Slut shaming doesn’t make you a classy person, it doesn’t even make you a good person in my humble opinion. Girls who hang out with guys aren’t sluts, and no they aren’t doing anything with them. Putting someone else down won’t make you a better person. We are all girls; we are in this together. Let others do them and do you. Don’t put others down, ever. Don’t ever say that guys don’t respect you because of the way other girls handle life.  If a guy doesn’t respect you what on earth are you doing with him? There are so many guys and yes there exists a whole group of them that respect women and value us and if you can’t find a guy like that, stay single.

Being classy doesn’t mean you can’t make mistakes you can and you should because it’s a part of growing up it’s about how you handle it. You can always change, regret is a part of life, and being classy is something that comes from within. Be happy live life you are going to be alright. Take school seriously, and stay true to who you are. Remember who you are and what you stand for. Respect yourself enough to be respected by others. Not everyone will always treat you the way that you should be treated. You are worth the world and as long as you know that and as long as you live your life being proud of who you are you are a classy and gorgeous person who deserves the world.

 

Lots of love,
Melissa